Heart-Mind-Body-Soul: What's In a Number?

We all have a Number.

No, I'm not talking about your phone number.  Not your street number.  Not your weight.
It's that one number that most of us don't talk about.  The one we keep in the closet with our secrets. The number we take with us into each new physical relationship we embark on....

...the number of people we've have had sex with.

Some of my friends know their Number, some don't.  While I know exactly what my Number is, I don't disclose it to anyone (besides my doctor).  My best friends know round-about where it is.  Guys have asked before, but I'm not forthcoming with the requested info. It reminds me of a Sex and the City quote by Carrie:

If you're a thirty something woman living in Manhattan, and you refuse to settle and you're sexually active, it's inevitable that you'll rack up a certain number of partners, but how many men is too many men? Are we simply romantically challenged, or, are we sluts?

This brings me back to a previous blog I wrote.  A few of my guy friends boast that their number is in the triple digits.  First off...can we say EWWW?  But the saying goes that whatever Number a guy tells you, divide it in half. Whatever a woman says, double it. So, when is a woman's Number TOO high? 

A new movie coming out at the end of the month, staring the hilarious Anna Faris, titled "What's Your Number?" reintroduces the topic. 

After reading in a magazine that "In America 96% of women

who have been with 20 or more lovers can't find a husband,"

Ana's character Ally looks back at the past twenty men she's had relationships with in her life

and wonders if one of them might be her one true love.

Twenty is the "magic" number in this movie. Do you find Ally's Number high?  I thought it was a pretty accurate assumption for a sexually active, single woman, in her 30s.  But really....does it even matter? 

One of my favorite male bloggers, Tom Miller, seems to think that the actual number doesn't matter, it's your sexual history that DOES. It's what (and who) you did, that counts. A guy cares more about knowing if you've hooked up with one of his boys or that you have a clean medical history.

Tom also mentions that a man and woman's perspective of what is "number worthy" differs.  Your boyfriend's Number may be higher because he considers any "crossing the threshold" to be sex.  I know I only "chalk another one up" if we went all the way.

So...do you know what your Number is? Have you ever lied about it (by either adding to it, or taking a few away)? Is it important to disclose your actual Number to someone you're in a relationship with?  Weigh in.  COMMENT.  I want to hear from you! 

I'm ending this post with a montage of some of the men our Sex and the City girls have been with.  Seems to me their Number didn't phase them!  Have fun, and be safe Loves.

Heart-Mind-Body-Soul: So Long Summer



Until next year Tahoe

Well, it's official.  As my second day of the school year comes to a close, 

there's no way around it....SUMMER IS OVER.

I joke that the whole thing was a blur, but when I truly break it down I would say all-in-all the Summer of Eleven was not only successful, it was also one for the books.

Summer 2011 Highlight Reel

 

While I had a huge amount of success (and more importantly FUN) this summer, there are a few places where I feel like I really dropped the ball.   

I present to you...

Take Two

So there you have it.  My summer condensed down to a few clicks of the mouse.

  

These past few months have been memorable.

 I worked hard, and played even harder.  I laughed a ridiculous amount, smiled until my cheeks hurt, shed a few tears, experienced some wild adventures, and drank enough

Fireball Whiskey to fill a....oh wait, not even going to think about that!

I made new friends, reconnected with old friends, and poured my heart out to my best friends.

 I remembered why I love living in Reno, and at the same time...realized I may be ready for a change.

While I'm a little sad that days are starting to get shorter,

and the need for the fan at night has decreased...I'm also excited for the school year ahead.

My calendar is jam-packed, my head is already swimming,

 and I'm ready to dive in to probably one of the most intense (yet rewarding) year's of my life.

All I can say is YEE-HAW!!!

Who would have thought this city-slicker would without a doubt have embraced her country side?

Heart-Mind-Body-Soul: Man-tox Time (aka The Removal of Toxic Men)

Detox
(noun) Treatment designed to rid the body of poisonous substances, esp alcohol and drugs.

Reading over the definition, I find the words "poisonous substances" interesting. Are poisonous substances the only thing that you can rid your body of via detoxifying?

This is the second week of my "clean eating" and I have to admit that I'm feeling better. While I know I'm still not drinking enough water, it hasn’t been difficult to stick to eating fruits, veggies, and lean protein. Over the last week I have discovered (or re-discovered):

• How AMAZING summer fruits and veggies are.
• Cooking for one is ultimately really rewarding, but also a little depressing.
• Gazpacho while delicious is really just like eating a big bowl of pico de gallo.
LOOK FOR A YUMMY RECIPE FOR GAZPACHO THIS SATURDAY.
• It's really not that hard to make good choices while eating at a restaurant.
• When you eliminate the junk in your life, the simple things taste SO much sweeter!!!

It’s that last line that got me thinking about what other “junk” I can remove from my world to help me become a happier, healthier, more whole person. I decided in addition to a food detox, I also needed to do a:

Mantox
(noun) The process which involves removing men or a particular man from one’s life.

For those of you who know me, you know my history of men and relationships. You know that I seem to be perpetually drawn to the bad-boy who; has financial issues, is afraid of commitment is a player, has a huge ego, has a complete charming quality to them, likes to hear themselves talk, and has some “conflict” in their life that “only I” can help them with.

You also know that while I’m fully aware that the relationships I get myself into can be toxic, I continue on even if the outcome leaves me hurt. As a friend of mine said, I ALLOW the guys to take advantage of me.

Those of you who don’t know me, now you’re caught up. :-)

This leads me to my need for a MANTOX. How am I supposed to find the caring, confident, thoughtful, supportive man I deserve to be with if I still surround myself with men who talk big and take until I hurt?

There a few men in my life that I need to remove. The tricky thing about living in a city like Reno is you can never FULLY remove someone because of how small it is (they don’t call it the “Biggest Little City” for nothing). In my case the men on the chopping block are also people I see in the “real-world” so some interaction is inevitable. I realized that while our paths are bound to cross, there is no reason to stay friends with them. There’s a complete difference in being friendly and being a friend.

As part of this mantox, I plan on putting an end to all “interpersonal relationships” with these guys. While I hope that my social interactions won’t be effected, I’m willing to take that risk to better myself. And in the spirit of a true mantoxicification (???) I feel it’s time for a digital removal too. Yes, that’s right…time to delete phone numbers, emails, and most importantly ::gasp:: Facebook! I don’t know what it is, but I hold on to contact information like a hoarder holds on to…well, everything. It’s time to purge it all.

So if you are one of those who are scheduled for deletion, this is your open warning as to why you won’t be hearing from me. I didn’t lose your number, I purposely deleted it.

And in the words of the amazing, talented Taylor Swift (yes, y'all I'm quoting country):

You're a redneck heartbreak, who's really bad at lying.
So watch me strike a match on all my wasted time.
As far as I'm concerned you're just another picture to burn.
Burn, burn, burn, baby, burn!

A Contradiction of a LIFETIME!!!

Our lives are filled with contradictions.

Y "The early bird gets the worm"  Y "Good things come to those who wait."  Y

 Y "Look before you leap." Y "Two heads are better than one." Y 

Y "You can't tell a book by its cover." Y

Recently I was talking to a group of my friends about a contradiction that seems to be a reoccurring topic of discussion (and debate). Why is it, that a man who "enjoys the company of women" is considered a ladies man, a player, or a pimp? Mind you, all of these terms are used positively and as a compliment.  When on the flip-side, a woman who has the same desires and game is thought of as a slut, a whore, easy, or desperate? Obviously these are negative and HARSH!

It is in our genetic make up to do things we enjoy, and to not just try to survive. Humans are the only mammals (besides dolphins and the Bonobo monkey) that have sex for pleasure (and fun).  It seems so unfair that a strong and confident woman can be viewed in such a negative light.  Especially when the only thing that differs in the equation is what's found between each person's legs.

There is no difference in a man or a woman wanting to "have a little fun".  Aren't both craving the same rush? Why should it make any difference? Can't good game be considered good game (and if it was safe and fun) isn't that all that really matters?  A male gets respect for getting around but when it comes to a female, she is disrespected and seen as trash. Funny how that works right?

Oh, and it's not just the guys dishing the insults.  We've all heard the phrase, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."  The basic translation: a woman rejected in love can be very angry and dangerous.

Lets also not forget about the competition and jealousy from others.  Rumors sometimes get started and with that comes a tsunami of unwanted bs and gossip. And mind you, this isn't just restricted to women.  I have known a hand full of men who have bigger mouths then most ladies. Some people will try and start their drama and get the word around about business that nobody should be talking about except for the parties involved. Before you know it words like slut, easy, and desperate are thrown around as carelessly as an opened condom wrapper. 

One of my guy friends thinks women can without a doubt be bigger "players" then guys.  He has said that while a woman can just be herself, look nice, and have a good attitude...a man has a much rougher road ahead of him. Even at a very young age on playgrounds young boys are playing sports and enjoying outdoors.  Girls are talking to each other about the world (and developing better communication skills) and playing with dolls (understanding social relationships). Men are trained to be the pursuers which is often more of a disadvantage.

So if the playing-field is technically even (or if women have a slight advantage) my question is this: Is it possible to drop the negative connotations and encourage the use of positive/congratulatory expressions instead?  How about instead of pimp and whore...we use words like OVER ACHIEVER and ENTHUSIAST?

I end this blog the way I started...with contradictions.  And actually, some "food" for thought.  It is said that you can't teach an old dog new tricks.  But at the same time, it's never too late to learn.  So my dear readers, what do you think?  Can a woman be a player?  Are the names we use too harsh? How about some new words to throw into our vocabulary?

I can't wait to start using some of these new terms (Over achiever?  HA!).  How about you???

No Sex in the Biggest Little City?

In the October 2010 issue, Men’s Health ranks 100 large U.S. cities for how sexually active they are. Its rankings were based on condom sales, birth rates, sex toy sales and rates of sexually transmitted diseases as determined by state health departments.

Reno was among the least sexually active cities surveyed,

coming in at 92nd.

Other statistics from The Biggest Little City included:

Condom Sales: 73rd            Birth Rates: 75th            STD Rates: 99th

CLICK HERE FOR RENO'S COMPLETE STATS

For a little comparison, Las Vegas ranked 70th while Salt Lake City ranked 23rd.  The most sexually active? Austin, Texas. The least sexually active is Portland, Maine.  Another look at the list shows that out of all 100 cities, Texas ranks highly overall (taking over many of the top 20 spots).  Is their saying true?  Do they just know how to do it BIGGER in Texas?

I know as a woman in her late 20s, not much shocks me anymore.  Passion Parties are hosted by friends on a semi-regular basis and seeing "massage devices" and "lotions" are just the norm.  Halloween costumes are purchased at adult stores, and the sexier they are, the better.  I've been to a strip club.  They are so NOT my thing (considering among other things, I saw a girl I grew-up with upside down on the pole....SCARRED ME!), but I understand the appeal for men and why they like to go.  And it never ceases to amaze me that when Dennis Hof (owner of the Moonlight Bunny Ranch) and his "girls" show up to a club or special event they are treated like major celebs. 

So this poll has me wondering why one of the most "sex driven" states in the nation ranks so low when it comes to it's sexually satisfied citizens. Is it because we are so bombarded with sex that we have become numb? With prostitution legal in 8 out of Nevada's 17 counties, and a strip-club on almost every corner in downtown Reno, have we Nevadans lost our sex drive?

I propose we do something about this. Let's try to make our ranking RISE! And if there's one thing I know about us Nevadan's (esp. us Reno-ites), we don't like to lose. With winter right around the corner, it's time to find someone to keep you warm in the cold weather months.   If everyone puts in a little effort, I'm confident we'll be on-top next year.

TO VIEW THE COMPLETE ARTICLE FROM MENS HEALTH, CLICK HERE